As i fucking predicted

we’re so gone now

i’m fucking heartbroken, suicidal and i’m gonna get so drunk tonight

its not even the least bit funny

i miss you like fuck

it bloody hurts

aarrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

OMFG

we were supposed to end up as friends not girlfriends. wtf? shit damn fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. damn drunken follies. but its ok, given my brilliant relationship history i’m sure well go to strangers in no time. no time at all. shit its gonna hurt tho. but hey then i can make more drunken follies. throw in my non quitting smoking and 2008 is of to a fucking brilliant start. @^$#*#*(%%&#&%**%*#%$%&%^$%%$!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things don’t look good

not in the slightest.

I fucking bare my soul and you go yeaaa, i’ll think bout it… i dont really know you.

and then you log on to f—–. like wtf are you trying to pull?

ah whatever, i’ll chalk it up 2 learning experience and fuck it.

but damn youre a good actress, that i must say. fucking oscar worthy performance of pretending to give a damn derserves a mention man.

and, yea, happy new year all!!

 Postnote: no, i’m no stranger to screwing my life up. its just that i didnt expect it to happen this time.

And it fucking kills me that i didnt have a good comeback. actually i did but due to over optimism it wasnt at the front of my mind so i ended up sounding like a loozer desperado =@!!

Just when everything looked alright

Everything explodes in my face, hard, fast and almost (just almost) unexpectedly

*her

And i don’t think you like me either

=(((((((

then again, i dont blame you. i like you way too much to do that. and i hate myself way 2 much 2 expect things to be different 2.

I never liked you

Honestly. i just got very used to having you there, doing all the things you do. the comfort of the familiar i guess. if you leave i’ll miss all that but i’d like to believe i wouldn’t miss you. i’d really like to believe that i wouldnt miss you.

Sometimes i look in the mirror and i cant recognize the person staring back at me. its the same eyes but they shine for a different reason. its the same lips but they speak a different tongue. its the same nose but the scent it desires is different. its the same hair but the style is different. its the same heart but it looks different and hurriedly patched up. its the same hands but what they want to do couldnt be more different.

=((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

I fucking need to prioritise

my family needs me. i want to fuck around and have fun. the choice should be painfully clear but it isnt.

It’s christmas

and omfg i’m shit scared
of how i feel
of this jealousy
of your smile
of losing you
of being your toy
of you leaving

And i’m heartbroken
for not being able to be your everything
cuz i don’t know bout your “friend”
cuz losing you is almost a possibility
cuz i know it’ll hurt like fuck if you take off
cuz i can’t spend every second of my life with you

I’m reliving one moment a million times and it gets sweeter and more painful everytime.
i love her =((( i hate me =((( i’m confused =((( i love her =(((
Now if you’ll excuse me, i need to go and dig my grave fall deeper in love with her.

It’s Christmas eve

So merry christmas all!!

Hate the fact that she won’t be in my arms at midnight as we aren’t counting down together. i miss her bloody(won’t curse bout a feeling so bittersweet) so so much, i’m almost maybe almost ready to commit and its bloody scary