The musings of suprise, suprise a fucked up butch

Swan song

fuckedupbutch — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 23:10:13 +0000

So hello out there. whoever you are who chanced upon this blog that was once a safe haven. sadly it has been ravaged beyond repair and i will be moving to a new home. no teaser links or anything, this is the goodbye of the second fiddle.

there are a million billion and one things racing through my mind now that need clearing and venting, cant believe i have to bloody register 4 another blog to do that. #@$#”>#@$#%^&#!!!!!

one thing i do not understand is why i have 44 hits on saturday, up from my usual 4-7 hits. the most logical hit count to expect is around 20. 27 if we are being conservative(or not too conservative, fuck) But 44? that just doesn’t gel

its 7am and i haven’t slept through the night so i dont particularly care if i’m making sense. boo ya.

oh and thanks for dropping by yo

Postnote: I still love my baby girl deep deep deep deep deep

Random rant

fuckedupbutch — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 18:18:44 +0000

this has gotta stop. i cant keep thinking of her. i need to get my life back together. its not her fault shes so amazing. but since she is if she is in my life i’m fucked. all i’ll ever think of is her and that will not do. so the next time we meet it will be our last goodbye.

strange thing is whenever anyone called her ‘mom’ i’d say ‘man, you didnt even invite me for your wedding’ and shed say ‘you missed your own wedding’ now she really wont invite me to her wedding. thinking of running into her 5 or 8 years later and seeing someone else holding her hand, seeing someone else making her laugh makes me want to rip my heart out so it wont hurt so much.

but between responsibility and pleasure, responsibility is a clear choice.

so goodbye sweetheart. i dont know if i ever will give you the link to this site or let you read this but if i ever do or if you ever do chance upon this please know that theres noone i’ve ever loved as much as i love you and if i really doubt i’ll ever be this serious about another girl cuz shes gonna have to match up to you which is no easy task.

i was very blessed and lucky to have you in my life for the past few months and theres nothing i would change about them, not one second.

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you and i will never stop loving you

please move on and have a great life for it is only when you smile that my brain stops functioning and i smile too

insecurities

fuckedupbutch — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:33:53 +0000

This is a pretty old post tt i saved but oh well i’ll post it anyway

can kill

but sometimes they’re all that you know will stop you from crashing too painfully when ure getting too full of yourself

imissherimissherimissherimissher

and why havent we met then you ask

i dunno.

sometimes i ask myself if she was sent to my life not for a lifetime but merely for a season or worse a reason and now i’m just holding on so tightly to her when i shouldnt. sometimes i feel like if she knew the old me, the real me, shed leave and it would hurt like how it hurts when your fingernails are pulled from your fingers one by one, with you being in full consciousness the whole time.

sometimes i wish she didnt have a past cuz it hurts even to know that she is comparing me with her exes and it kills me to not know how i measure up. doesnt help that shes bbf wiith one of her exes and alright wit another. i hate myself for being so insecure.

iwannaholdheriwannaholdheriwannaholdheriwannaholdher

Updates updates

fuckedupbutch — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:27:19 +0000

man i’m in love. totally, 100% for real. shes all i think of anytime. im screwing my life over. kissing her is just perfect. when i hold her my whole world seems complete. yea im in love. omfg how coud i let this happen to me? not like ive got an amazing life and i need additional probs. shit shit shit i love her. every moment without her is alomost fucking torture. i’ll gladly travel 2 hrs to see her. why why why??

what if she walks? then what you fucking brilliant fool? get drunk and give her a few drunk calls. proceed to have random flings and hangovers and screw up another 6 months of ur life. confuckinggratulations on your absolute stupidity.

i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her.

what is love really? this crazy obsession? surely there has to be more

bottom line is im pretty screwed

fuck i love everthing about her and i could continue to say that till time itself stops

i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her

this is the song!!

fuckedupbutch — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 15:30:23 +0000

the song that escapes me

fuckedupbutch — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 06:15:36 +0000

yet again, i had the song on the tip of my tongue and now that i wanna post it ive forgotten what it is. fuckkkkk

Quick updates on me

fuckedupbutch — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 10:35:03 +0000

We’re official now

I think I’m fucked. i dont know why im suddenly so bloody ready 2 commit and i’m so happy she is to. aite, maybe she isnt all ready to commit but whatever, she said yes. which shouldnt get me all euphoric cuz shes just another potential heartbreak esp cuz we’re both going back 2 sch. yay, daphne all over again. actually this will b worse than daph cuz i din feel this strongly for daph. and daph was the one all crazy to be official when our fling was perfect.

congrats to me.

i knew there was a song on my mind to describe how im feeling but i forgot so i’m gonna end off here.

oh, i need ramen noodles again lol

i’m in a rush

fuckedupbutch — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 04:27:04 +0000

but i just gotta note this down.

i was being a fucker and secrely reading her blog archives(got the addy ffrom her fren) and fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk she was so bloody affectionate and lovey dovey with her ex, why do i have all the shit now?

confused

you say you like me and we cd be in a rs in the near future

yet u never blog that highly bout me

shittttttttttttttttttttt i’m being shitted on bloody big time

=((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

I’m fucked

fuckedupbutch — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 23:40:37 +0000

wtf do i always get myself into these fantastic situations in which hearbreak is not only a possibility but almost a guarantee?

the thought of anyone else holding your hands drives me fucking totally and wildly insane. but theres nothing even fucking going on between us, nothing that i can put a name to anyway.

but what is this obsession i have with naming everything and compartmentalising it? if everything is everything something else is but isnt named as such does it make it any different? if two things are totally different yet given the same name does that forge a similarity?

but then again, if it isnt named i dont have a valid reason to get jealous.

I’m fucked

Unlike as i fucking predicted

fuckedupbutch — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 16:35:35 +0000

i enjoy spending time with you

hell, i never want the time that im with you to end

i could seriously get addicted to you being next to me

but, theres just that bit of unsureness that wont bloody go away

to sum it up, i’m totally fucking confused about why, when or even how but i wanna be with u and i totafuckingly dont know why.

The musings of *suprise, suprise* a fucked up butch

Swan song

Random rant

insecurities

Updates updates

this is the song!!

the song that escapes me

Quick updates on me

i’m in a rush

I’m fucked

Unlike as i fucking predicted

The musings of suprise, suprise a fucked up butch