insecurities

This is a pretty old post tt i saved but oh well i’ll post it anyway 

can kill

but sometimes they’re all that you know will stop you from crashing too painfully when ure getting too full of yourself

imissherimissherimissherimissher

and why havent we met then you ask

i dunno.

sometimes i ask myself if she was sent to my life not for a lifetime but merely for a season or worse a reason and now i’m just holding on so tightly to her when i shouldnt. sometimes i feel like if she knew the old me, the real me, shed leave and it would hurt like how it hurts when your fingernails are pulled from your fingers one by one, with you being in full consciousness the whole time.

sometimes i wish she didnt have a past cuz it hurts even to know that she is comparing me with her exes and it kills me to not know how i measure up. doesnt help that shes bbf wiith one of her exes and alright wit another. i hate myself for being so insecure.

iwannaholdheriwannaholdheriwannaholdheriwannaholdher

Updates updates

man i’m in love. totally, 100% for real. shes all i think of anytime. im screwing my life over. kissing her is just perfect. when i hold her my whole world seems complete. yea im in love. omfg how coud i let this happen to me? not like ive got an amazing life and i need additional probs. shit shit shit i love her. every moment without her is alomost fucking torture. i’ll gladly travel 2 hrs to see her. why why why??

what if she walks? then what you fucking brilliant fool? get drunk and give her a few drunk calls. proceed to have random flings and hangovers and screw up another 6 months of ur life. confuckinggratulations on your absolute stupidity.

i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her.

what is love really? this crazy obsession? surely there has to be more

bottom line is im pretty screwed

fuck i love everthing about her and i could continue to say that till time itself stops

i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her i love her

this is the song!!

the song that escapes me

yet again, i had the song on the tip of my tongue and now that i wanna post it ive forgotten what it is. fuckkkkk

Quick updates on me

We’re official now

I think I’m fucked. i dont know why im suddenly so bloody ready 2 commit and i’m so happy she is to. aite, maybe she isnt all ready to commit but whatever, she said yes. which shouldnt get me all euphoric cuz shes just another potential heartbreak esp cuz we’re both going back 2 sch. yay, daphne all over again. actually this will b worse than daph cuz i din feel this strongly for daph. and daph was the one all crazy to be official when our fling was perfect.

congrats to me.

i knew there was a song on my mind to describe how im feeling but i forgot so i’m gonna end off here.

oh, i need ramen noodles again lol

i’m in a rush

but i just gotta note this down.

i was being a fucker and secrely reading her blog archives(got the addy ffrom her fren) and fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk she was so bloody affectionate and lovey dovey with her ex, why do i have all the shit now?

confused

you say you like me and we cd be in a rs in the near future

yet u never blog that highly bout me

shittttttttttttttttttttt i’m being shitted on bloody big time

=((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

I’m fucked

wtf do i always get myself into these fantastic situations in which hearbreak is not only a possibility but almost a guarantee?

the thought of anyone else holding your hands drives me fucking totally and wildly insane. but theres nothing even fucking going on between us, nothing that i can put a name to anyway.

but what is this obsession i have with naming everything and compartmentalising it? if everything is everything something else is but isnt named as such does it make it any different? if two things are totally different yet given the same name does that forge a similarity?

but then again, if it isnt named i dont have a valid reason to get jealous.

I’m fucked

Unlike as i fucking predicted

i enjoy spending time with you

hell, i never want the time that im with you to end

i could seriously get addicted to you being next to me

but, theres just that bit of unsureness that wont bloody go away

to sum it up, i’m totally fucking confused about why, when or even how but i wanna be with u and i totafuckingly dont know why.

As i fucking predicted

we’re so gone now

i’m fucking heartbroken, suicidal and i’m gonna get so drunk tonight

its not even the least bit funny

i miss you like fuck

it bloody hurts

aarrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

OMFG

we were supposed to end up as friends not girlfriends. wtf? shit damn fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. damn drunken follies. but its ok, given my brilliant relationship history i’m sure well go to strangers in no time. no time at all. shit its gonna hurt tho. but hey then i can make more drunken follies. throw in my non quitting smoking and 2008 is of to a fucking brilliant start. @^$#*#*(%%&#&%**%*#%$%&%^$%%$!!!!!!!!!!!!