Just when everything looked alright

Everything explodes in my face, hard, fast and almost (just almost) unexpectedly

*her

And i don’t think you like me either

=(((((((

then again, i dont blame you. i like you way too much to do that. and i hate myself way 2 much 2 expect things to be different 2.

I never liked you

Honestly. i just got very used to having you there, doing all the things you do. the comfort of the familiar i guess. if you leave i’ll miss all that but i’d like to believe i wouldn’t miss you. i’d really like to believe that i wouldnt miss you.

Sometimes i look in the mirror and i cant recognize the person staring back at me. its the same eyes but they shine for a different reason. its the same lips but they speak a different tongue. its the same nose but the scent it desires is different. its the same hair but the style is different. its the same heart but it looks different and hurriedly patched up. its the same hands but what they want to do couldnt be more different.

=((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

I fucking need to prioritise

my family needs me. i want to fuck around and have fun. the choice should be painfully clear but it isnt.

It’s christmas

and omfg i’m shit scared
of how i feel
of this jealousy
of your smile
of losing you
of being your toy
of you leaving

And i’m heartbroken
for not being able to be your everything
cuz i don’t know bout your “friend”
cuz losing you is almost a possibility
cuz i know it’ll hurt like fuck if you take off
cuz i can’t spend every second of my life with you

I’m reliving one moment a million times and it gets sweeter and more painful everytime.
i love her =((( i hate me =((( i’m confused =((( i love her =(((
Now if you’ll excuse me, i need to go and dig my grave fall deeper in love with her.

It’s Christmas eve

So merry christmas all!!

Hate the fact that she won’t be in my arms at midnight as we aren’t counting down together. i miss her bloody(won’t curse bout a feeling so bittersweet) so so much, i’m almost maybe almost ready to commit and its bloody scary

Despite everything, i miss her

if missing someone is your heart’s way of reminding you that you love them then i love her plenty plenty, deep deep, loads loads and much much. been missing her the whole day, probably because she didnt call or sms me =( to top it all i did call and sms her so i’m doubly sad =(( laugh jackasses, laugh as i wallow in self pity of a stupid situation brought upon myself, laugh as much as u want. i’d do the same if i were you.

the first thing i did in the morning was to check my phone for an sms from her. nada. the whole day i was checking my phone, checking the profile, calling to make sure there was reception, switching off and on the phone etc etc to no avail =(( well duh right if she didnt call/sms wat call/sms from her would come in?

i’m fucking sad, i think her ex is back =(((

Sadness, jealousy and all things emo

I’m almost depressed

But i am fucking jealous. why do you know so many butches PLUs?? and do you expect me to believe all of them are just your friends?? honestly i’d appreciate you telling me who you hooked up with so it doesnt drive me fucking mad.

I am searching for meaning in whatever happened and i’ll ive come up with is that my balls have a diameter no, circumference of 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001mm

And i am underappreciated. your friend came after work and got a fucking red carpet welcome and gushes of wow thanks for coming despite having work bla bla. i came tired and having a thousand dollar deficit and all you said is fuck can you behave better and be more social? like fuck you, cut me some slack. at least i dragged my sorry ass down and didnt just call you to cancel. bottom line is boo hoo for me, i brought this upon myself. Congrats to me!

Heartbroken

I can almost feel you slipping away and it hurts, it hurts like fuck, like when i found out that the only way i’d ever get any attention from my dad was by being his “son” Only this time its worse cuz i had a choice in whether or not youd be in my life and against my better judgement i picked hell yes but with my dad it was random

your smile still makes me wanna change the world so you’ll always smile. your hug still makes me wanna freeze time. your character still blows me away everytime. the thought of losing you still sends shivers up my spine. you are still all that i think of whenever i have the time. and you are also still the one i think of when i should be doing work.

I don’t understand why we’ve got poets and songwriters waxing lyrical bout love when all it does is hurt so much and scar so painfully. i swear love is just gods weird way of making us pay for giving us the amazing ability to having hot steamy and kinky fucks.

The only use of a sad story is in the writing of stupid romance novels that innocent 14 year old females would read and cry to.

I hate myself for putting me in this situation. really, i really really hate myself from every nook and cranny of my heart. fuck.